March 2022 - Compassion Group Notes

“What would you say if you weren’t feeling defensive?” ~Quote from a Group Member

What a marvelous question to ask oneself! The question immediately demands that you listen to the soul instead of the ego which then frees you from a response from the ego which will only separate and divide you and others more and more. The soul does not need lessons in what to say - it is naturally honest, poetic, clear and loving instead of protecting and nursing the feeling of shame within. Make this your mantra for the month. Become human instead of living in the instincts and reactions of an unaware animal.

“Why should you want to give up a child's wise not-understanding in exchange for defensiveness and scorn, since not-understanding is, after all, a way of being alone, whereas defensiveness and scorn are a participation in precisely what, by these means, you want to separate yourself from.”
~ Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

What is Defense?

Defense is the irrational seeking of an outer solution for an inner problem. We suffer because we have internally made a meaning about ourselves based an external event, that is incorrect. You cannot change the external event, but you can change the meaning you make about it, about yourself. Carefully meditate on this statement until you can find the truth of it in your own experience. E.g. Criticism from others is not a threat to you unless you interpret it to mean something about your value as a person.

“I stopped hating and started just being. My whole life, I had been the most defensive person you'd meet, unable to tolerate any criticism. But now I started listening and being.”
~Anthony Kiedis, Scar Tissue

Soothing and Comforting as Defense

Do you use soothing and comforting techniques to repress, deny and negate feelings and physiological arousal? Count all the ways you do this to yourself and others in words and in actions. Or, do you find ways to remind yourself the you are vast enough, loving enough and present enough to be able to hold the agitation of your physical being. Look at the picture - you are this and you can hold all the little storms and upsets in your vastness - this is the only comfort you need. You no longer need a blankie or a nook or a drink or a day at the spa, or, or, or. I am not saying have those things, but just recognize the WHY and the EFFECT in the long term. You know how to emotionally self-regulate - it is by being lovingly present to the body and emotions. Consider how you use external comforts to repress and deny and think about an internal presence that embraces and holds. Two completely different paradigms!

“Water takes whatever shape it finds itself in. It does not judge, it does not complain, it does not try to change things. It is the source of patience. Given time it can wear away stone. Be like water.” ~Solala Towler, Tales from the Tao: The Wisdom of the Taoist Masters

Name Calling as Defense

Have you called yourself “lazy,” or other people “lazy.” In a culture that values hard work as a defens to avoid feeling,, not using the same defense is often attacked, judged and criticized as a way of shaming and frightening ourselves and others into being “ externally hard working.” Whenever we apply a superficial label to a perception, we ourselves are avoiding the HARD WORK, of introspection into understanding the WHY with compassion. It is a cop-out and truly a very superficial and lazy way to engage life. Next time you want to put yourself down or someone else down, turn your eye inward and figure out what is really happening. Next time you hear yourself labelling and putting yourself down, STOP. And then examine carefully without judgement.

“Procrastination is not Laziness", I tell him. "It is fear. Call it by its right name, and forgive yourself.”
~Julia Cameron, The Prosperous Heart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjSTNv4gyMM

Is your inner system a red zone or a green zone?

“Faust complained about having two souls in his breast, but I harbor a whole crowd of them and they quarrel. It is like being in a republic.”
~ Otto von Bismarck

Listen! Listen carefully.

 Beneath the distraction of superficiality and materialism

If you listen carefully,

You will hear the scream.

The scream of the soul imprisoned and repressed

in the dark agony of unawareness

Wanting expression, 

Wanting to sing with abandon, dance freely and wildly, 

desiring to live and breathe

the beauty of creation in joy

Ignored, rejected, spurned, and allocated to the dark recesses of existence

The soul is screaming for freedom

In you, in the world

Listen! Listen carefully and find your Real Voice.

~Lyndall Johnson