July 2019 - Compassion Group Notes

Hibernating and Withdrawing 

Hibernating and withdrawing from others and the world, are indeed flight defenses – or smart tactics (same thing), that attempt to control any outside influence from stirring up inner unresolved needs and feelings of shame and unworthiness, vulnerability and fear that relationships will inevitably stir up! While this tactic keeps us safe from having to feel our own inner suffering, it also create suffering in that it fails to meet our need for community, friendship, connection, intimacy and sharing and so stirs up all the ways in which we felt the pain of being left out, alone, abandoned and rejected as children.  

 All defenses, put us in a double bind. While they succeed in providing some relief, secondary gain, or reward, they also fail to help us get aware, bring love to our inner suffering, gain deep understanding into the memory states that haunt us, and sabotage our needs from ever being seen, recognized, valued, or loved, firstly by ourselves, but also by others.  

 When our stance to the world is, “stay away, I see you as dangerous,” then indeed people stay away.

 On the other hand, when we insist on being around people that are consistently controlling, abusive in some way, or never care to meet your needs in anyway, then that too is a form of defense against being aware of inner needs and feelings, that likewise, needs to be deeply examined. For more…. Read here