Compassion Group Notes - December 2022
“Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul.”
Want or Need?
Everyday languageusage is littered with the words, “I need you to… or “I need…” I first became aware of this when Tom, my ex-husband and I were on vacation in the Yorkshire Dales. Late one evening we wandered down to the local pub from the cozy little bed in breakfast in which we were staying. It was Friday evening, and it was a noisy bar crowded with locals who were in high spirits. The bantering going backwards and forwards, was cheerful and familiar. It was clear this was crowd of people who were comfortable with each other. We were quickly welcomed and included into the lighthearted teasing and joking. The two men bar tending were the owners and they kept up a steady repertoire of good-natured ragging on clients – a real dog and pony show. At one point Tom leaned over the counter and said, “I need another whiskey,” to which one of them said, without missing a beat, “You need another whiskey, do you? It’s as desperate as all that is it, laddie? How about please may I have another whiskey, then?” Tom laughed sheepishly and the other people is the pub roared with laughter. It gave me pause to think about the kind of language we so unconsciously use.
What Are Universal Human Needs?
“Anger is a result of life-alienating thinking that is disconnected from needs. It indicates that we have moved up to our head to analyze and judge somebody rather than focus on what we are needing and not getting.” ~Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.”
~ Marshall Rosenberg
“When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?” I”
~Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
Questions for Contemplation and Journaling
What do you make it mean about your identity if you do not have what others have? In terms of external achievements and acquisitions and internal qualities and capacities?
What do you memake it mean about your identity if you have more than others have? In terms of external achievements and acquisitions as well as internal qualities and capacities?
What are the consequences to you and others when you attribute worth to someone based on these criteria?
How does it lead to the destruction of our planet - people, animals, environment?
The Tao Verse 44
A great name or self-knowledge:
To which of these does your heart respond?
Material goods or your natural virtues:
Which do you treasure more?
Profit or loss: which is more apt
To lead you toward destruction?
The love of excess lays Nature waste:
It spends the self and buys remorse.
Accumulation is the greatest loss.
Meet your needs and go no further,
And you will be a stranger to disgrace.
Recognize the limits of every situation,
And you'll be free from danger.
Thus can you fulfill the enduring harmony.
Brian Donohue translation
