October 2020 - Compassion Group Notes
I Am Here For My Purpose
One of the groups opened their session with this beautiful statement from Brene Brown. The question of “What is my Purpose,” here on earth has also arisen powerfully in some groups. Purpose is directly related to stage of development and state of consciousness and it can roughly be equated to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. A baby’s solel immediate purpose is to stay alive, for instance. Unless this need is met, it will not achieve any higher order needs. As we satisfactorily work our way through the inadequately met needs of our childhood and become unstuck, we organically and naturally start changing the focus of our purpose and the meaning of our life. Consider what you intellectually believe your purpose and the meaning of you life to be, and then see how much of your time is actually devoted to living out this purpose and how much is devoted to much lower order needs. This is an indication of where you are fixated developmentally and provides the focus for your inner work of re-parenting. While this is a quite simplistic way of looking at motivation it is a helpful framework. See if you can think of people whose basic physical, security, social and ego needs were never adequately met and yet became very self actualized human beings despite the traumas and obstacles of the childhood experience.
Knowledge is not awareness
Knowing about something can be a doorway into awareness, but if we think that because we understand a concept, we are aware, we are falling into a big trap. And traps keep us stuck in one place.
This word is very misused in general usage. To say, “I am aware that the sun is shining,” for instance is not awareness – it is at best a limited perception. The statement does not reveal anything about experiencing the warmth of the sun, or the inner workings of the sun, or how the sun supports or destroys life, is essential to photosynthesis in plants, the rotation of the planet around the sun, how the moon reflects the light of the sun and why, how darkness is essential to growth …. And on and on. Consider for a moment if you actually “know” anything about the sun, let alone have an awareness of the sun. So it is, with ourselves.
“Pull yourself Together!”
How many of you heard the words, “Pull yourself together,” as children when you had big feelings? What was meant by this instruction is, “Stop having feelings. Control yourself by repressing and denying your feelings. This caused a massive split in your psyche. The part of you that exercised control, denial and repression of emotions and needs and the part of you that was suffering the feelings of not having your needs met. This means you learned to internalize perpetration against yourself.
“Pulling yourself together” now means putting this split back together again in loving relationship by recognizing how your needs were not met, how this caused shame, fear and hurt inside of you and how you learned to “pull yourself apart” from this suffering in defense.
In the soul everything is the opposite to what it was in the ego.
“It’s the Resistance that Bruises us” ~Charisse Lyons
When we cling to our defenses and resist surrendering to the underlying pain in love, we are hurting ourselves over and over again.
Every time we resist, we preclude from ourselves the possibility of an embrace of what is hurting within and it is only this embrace that can heal. Consider a small child who is in pain – when you wrap them in your arms and offer to hear and see and know what the pain is about, it dissipates. If we lock the child in a room, the pain persists and intensifies. Not only does the child have the original pain, but now there is also the pain of being split off from others, rejected for having pain, shamed for hurting. This is the dynamic that we then repeat on ourselves over and over again.
How do I know I am in Memory?
All feelings are ghosts of childhood experience. Developmentally if our early needs for safety, belonging, love and esteem are not correctly met from the loving heart of a parent it results in feelings that remain in the body until developmentally we are able to gain awareness into the dynamic of self hatred created by the early needs not being met. Now as an adult if there is a hint of similarity between the original lack of responsiveness from the parent, the feelings are cellularly activated.
If you say you are confused, you are stating that at a young age the double messages your received in the system in which you found yourself confused you. Now as an adult it is your work clear up the confusion for the child by validating how confusing it was to get double messages and to help the child understand why there were double messages and that this was not her fault and she did not cause them.
Of if you say you are overwhelmed, you are stating that you were flooded with emotions as a result of your needs not being met. For example if a child is expected to do more than they are developmentally capable of and are then shamed and punished, they will feel overwhelmed by their own feelings of fear and shame.
It is safe to say that if you have a feeling, you are in memory that needs your loving attention. It is safe to say that if you expect a response from someone else for your feelings and needs, you are in memory. You are “locked in,” “fixated,” and “frozen in time.” Bring your infinite love to the space/time experiences of your life. We are all orphans until we start parenting ourselves.
Pride in Defense/Shame of Defense
It is hard to realize that our entire personality is a function of the Soul…. A very important function and a means to an end, but not the essential Soul-Self. To mistake yourself as your personality is analogous to confusing your identity with the function of the computer, instead of with the information coming through the computer. The extent to which you do not understand the formation of the personality or “finite/false” identity, see how it works, and can find some measure of dis-identification from the function, is the extent to which you are living in defense. In other words, when early psychiatrists postulated 10 or twelve defense mechanisms, they were not seeing the range and scope of defense at all. Most of what people are doing in the world is defense.
The one that got away!
Crab Mentality
“Crab mentality, also known as crab theory or crabs in a bucket (also barrel, basket, or pot) mentality, is a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you.” The metaphor is derived from a pattern of behavior noted in crabs when they are trapped in a bucket. While any one crab could easily escape, its efforts will be undermined by others, ensuring the group's collective demise.
The analogy in human behavior is claimed to be that members of a group will attempt to reduce the self-confidence of any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, resentment, spite, or competitive feelings, to half their progress.” ~Wikipedia
Forgiveness - An Inner process, Not An Outer One
What does it mean to “forgive?” This seems to be a concept that few people are able to see into deeply and it used as a means to attain power and superiority over other “lesser mortals,” who wounded us in some way. It is a way of shifting responsibility and then being so very “loving and merciful,” that you forgive other people for what they have done to you. Implicit in the “forgiving of another,” is the message that they need forgiveness for something you have judged as terrible. To use the word as a defense in this way is spiritual masturbation – it makes you feel good and it makes the other person feel inferior.
Even the Christ did not dare have the arrogance to grant forgiveness. Instead of saying, “I forgive those poor bastards for doing what they are doing to me,” he prayed to his inner higher consciousness to forgive them, recognizing that all horror is committed only by unaware humans. He said, “Father (spirit) forgive them, for they know not what they do.” In his humanity he could not find a place of inner reconciliation and healing that would be an authentic response.
