Compassion Group Notes - May 2023
Sorry and Thank You
Do you habitually say “Thank you,” and “Sorry?” Why?
To express genuine gratitude and authentic remorse?
To meet your need for safety? Acceptance?
If it is just a social nicety that was born out of you being shamed into good manners, then shift it to being mindful and genuine. What need was met when you say thank you? How did it feel? What responsibility do you need to take when you say your are sorry?
“If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.”
~Amit Kalantri
“It is Important to tell the Truth, because the Truth fucking matters” ~Charisse Lyons
How do you lie? Deny, rationalize, justify, minimize, intellectualize, excuse, blame, avoid, silence, pretense, keep family secrets? How are you not honest with yourself and so unable to be honest with others in relationship? Can you make a commitment to telling the truth? Why have you not done so in the past? Examine this dynamic within very carefully. How were you punished for telling the truth and so now habitually live a life that is filled with deceit and dishonesty? Can you tell the truth, even if your life was threatened? Think of myths and stories of how the Hero/ine tells the truth no matter the consequence. What do these stories inspire in you?
“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”
― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
“Listen with Deep Ears, right in your gut and deep eyes, deep in your gut. Deep ears would allow a deaf man to hear.” ~ Charisse Lyons
Listening is a deeply meditative and active process that involves paying close attention to the feeling in your gut as you carefully listen to the body language, words, tone, affect of yourself and another person. It is about hearing and seeing yourself, so as to accurately see and hear the other.
Do you listen deeply? Do you see deeply? Or do you make snap judgments and quick assessments? On what are these judgments based?
“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
“Just because you have been victimized, does not mean you have to live in victimhood.” ~Charisse Lyons
What do you think this means? How do you live in victimhood? How do you use past victimization to get needs met, empathy, others to do your bidding? How has your victimization turned into perpetration against others? Start making a list of the behaviors and attitudes within that tell you that you are programmed to be a victim (and so a perpetrator).
“If there are two people in the room and one of them has already decided to be the perpetual victim, the other person will automatically become the oppressor for the outsiders.
If you are stuck with a person who is infected with perpetual victimhood, no matter how much you try to help them, you will always be projected as the oppressor.”
― Shunya
